Sex on the Beach in a Muu Muu…

I FINALLY booked a family vacation for my crew, not an easy task with four kids. The world is truly made for a family of four, but that is a whole other article in itself. This little rant is about the horrifying, mind numbing task of finding a bathing suit. As much as I have come full circle and for the first time in my life don’t give a rats ass what people think, it’s still a challenge to quiet those nasty voices in my head. The ones that comment on my veiny white legs or “not as firm as they could be” thighs.The voices that taunt me with memories of how perky and perfect my breasts used to be. They were breath taking, I should have captured them on film, instead I have a kodak moment of them engorged to the size of beach balls. The loudest of all is the one that constantly begs the question…”WHY DIDN’T YOU WEAR A BIKINI EVERYDAY WHEN YOU WERE IN YOU 20’s?”. Lord why didn’t I, to the grocery store, the dry cleaners, on dates or to the post office. Why the hell can’t that little voice just shut the hell up? I do know one thing, if I RUB A LITTLE VODKA on it it gets a hell of a lot quieter. Add an extra shot and it’s down right MUTE! So if your heading off to the beach this winter,  this cocktail has a 2 drink MINIMUM! Mix up a couple of these while your marinating in your sunscreen, trying to tie your sarong and wondering why a black bikini is NOT slimming. Then hit the beach with attitude and confidence, and, of course, suck in everything that can possibly be sucked…Breathing is not an option! Sex on the Beach in a Muu Muu… 2 ounces Citrus Vodka 2 ounces White Cranberry Juice 2 ounces Pineapple Juice Shake all ingredients together with ice and serve in a LARGE glass over ice. Garnish with a slight buzz.

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