We mommies love to judge a judger. It’s all “Judgy-McJudgypants” this and “Miss. Judgerlots” that… It feels so good to condemn those awful, sanctimonious judgers, doesn’t it? It makes us feel, somehow, as though we’ve elevated ourselves above the mommy wars.
Oh, owwww, my head is totally throbbing from that giant avalanche of irony that just fell on it.
The truth is, we all judge. It’s impossible not to! Every time we make a decision to do something, we imply that we’d prefer not to do the opposite. When I make the decision to buy organic macaroni and cheese for my children’s summer lunch-time delight, I am judging you if you don’t. It is implicit in my purchasing decision that I believe my choice to pay a higher price to feed my children non-chemical-laden crap is superior to your choice to buy whatever cheapo POISON is on the shelves. (Exaggerating just a teensy bit, for effect.)
Likewise, it is implicit in your purchasing decision that you believe your choice to make the clearly obvious decision to save money by buying a more economical brand (all that “organic is better for you” propaganda is probably a bunch of hippie hog-wash anyway, right?) is superior to my decision to be a huge snob and act all holier-than-thou with my stupid organic macaroni and cheese. And seriously? Organic macaroni and cheese? It’s already unhealthy; eat the damn chemicals.
Obviously we’re not going to swing our heavy Coach purses (or hemp cross-bodies, if you’re “that” type) at one another in the grocery store isle over a few boxes of macaroni. That would be crazy. The point is, when we make a choice, we make a judgment and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
We mommies need to let each other make decisions and express opinions without constantly jumping aboard the oh-my-golly-she’s-judging express train. Yeah, so someone is judging. Who cares? We all have a right to make judgments about what we believe is right or wrong, or what is the best way to accomplish stuff. It would also be so much easier for us to hear each other (maybe even sway an opinion or two) if we could hush up all this unnecessary noise about “judging” that doesn’t actually have anything to do with anything.
Judging only becomes an (extremely, oh for the love of Pete PLEASE don’t do this) unattractive habit when, after stating one’s opposing viewpoint and reasons for choosing said viewpoint, a person just can’t effing let it go. (Oh thanks a lot, Disney, now I’m humming Frozen songs. Jerks.) Some mommies (and other type of people too, I know; but I’m rallying for mommies in particular to be nice to one another right now) simply cannot handle someone else having a different way of doing things, and are willing to practically give themselves a stroke in the process of trying to convert everyone in the room (or website, or… world) to their way of thinking. As if the rest of us haven’t already thought through our decisions and are just waiting anxiously for divine providence (in the form of an enthusiastic orator) to intervene and counsel us on our options.
Ironically, it’s usually the most overzealous campaigners who are quickest to yank out their “she’s being judgmental!” card. These earnest, (probably?) well-intentioned mommies refuse to acknowledge the phrase “live and let live.” They get to the point where they dislike, hate, degrade or ostracize other moms who don’t conform to their ideas. But then, that’s not judging anymore, is it? That’s prejudice, bigotry, and intolerance. Now those are things worth getting all Judgy-McJudgerpants about, and are the gooey muck from which ugly mommy wars are born. We’re better than that, right mommies?
I see the appeal of having everyone agree with everything I think and do, since, in spite of the killer boredom that would inevitably ensue, I would never again have to defend my choices or feel like doo-doo because people I admire or love totally disagree with me. But on the other hand, I really don’t want everyone to agree with me. According to the economics class I took in college, if everyone is clamoring to buy the exactly the same fancy organic macaroni and cheese as I do, the price is going to go wayyyy higher. And that stuff is already hellsa expensive, you guys.
I truly want no part in the mommy wars, so peace to you and all the well-considered choices you make for your family. Even the ones I think are completely wrong.