Any of you who are my Facebook Friends, or followers on Twitter, have often seen me refer to myself as a DIVA. I am not talking about the drama queen, high maintenance type of DIVA. I am referring to the Passion Parties definition….
Disciplined (when I set my mind to task, I get it done)
Inspired (by my friends, my team, family and more)
Vibrant (absolutely……after my first cup of coffee)
Accomplished (a shelf of trophies & sashes confirms this).
There however is one thing that I have struggled with. I always knew that I was inspired, but never believed that I was INSPIRING. I felt that nobody would want to be like me….
I came in to this world as an un-wanted teen pregnancy. I was adopted by a couple who were looking for a solution to their marital problems. My adoptive mother left one night and I never saw her again. From that point forward, I was a problem my father was left to deal with. I was date raped in my late teens. Ashamed, I dropped out of school and never went on to college. In my 20s, my boyfriend came home one night drunk, pushed me to the ground, and while standing on my head, spit on me and told me I was worthless. In my 30s my father and his 2nd wife asked me to stay out of their lives forever.
Never wanting to be a victim of my past, I was determined to create a really happy life for myself, I pushed the bad stuff deep down. Hiding it. Denying that it had hurt me deeply. I didn’t want people to see that I was vulnerable and had weakness. And I did it very well. Too well. One day last summer it all caught up with me. I felt myself sucked in to a depression which was the deepest darkest sadness of my life. I was also diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
The sadness and darkness that had enveloped me was so intense that I had to explain to my family why I just wanted to hide in bed under the covers. I had to explain to my friends why I would start sobbing for no reason. And the hardest of all, I had to explain to my Passion Parties team why I wasn’t able to be the leader they needed me to be. For the first time in my life I found myself knocking down the protective walls I had built around myself. As the walls came down, people in my life were able to see the real ME for the first time.
And that is when the most inspirational lesson of all happened. I learned that……
You don’t have to be perfect, to be inspiring
“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in” ~ Leonard Cohen