I always knew I wanted to have 4 kids, but I never knew it would be so hard to have the 4th one. My first two kids are 10 months apart in age and I know it might sound crazy but I was hoping to do the same with my next set. Irish twins is what some call 2 children born less than a year apart, I call it “perfection”. But for some reason this baby #4 is not coming to us.
My youngest is now 9 months old and having my “4 kids before I am 30” dream has flown out the window. Not for lack of trying, but because for some reason unknown to me, a baby does not want to set up shop in my uterus. Which leaves my puzzled, because whenever I wanted to get pregnant before, it was easy, like 3 weeks later there was a positive pregnancy test laying on the bathroom counter and the countdown to new baby would begin.
Earlier this year I experienced severe cramping and thought I was dying (legitimately, I told the Emergency Room nurse I was dying), only to find out I was having a miscarriage. Although that is not the greatest thing to hear, relief rushed over me to find out that I would indeed survive. There was no grief involved in that pregnancy because I didn’t know until it was already over. So we started trying again and this month I had that feeling inside that things were looking up. It could have been the fact that my uterus was not waging war on my body and I was feeling good, so off to the pharmacy I went to get the tests. Both were positive, yes BOTH because I always like to make sure before I give up my wine for 10 months.
To say I was ecstatic would be an understatement because I had earlier that day decided that if I don’t have another baby I would be breastfeeding the one I had till she was 3 just to enjoy the bonding. Maybe now she could get off the boob at 2? But the next day, the cramping started and I knew what was happening. So making a baby is no longer the issue, I am not infertile, I just have an uterus that is not accepting tenants at the time, BUT WHY? I asked Google for answers (don’t EVER ask Google for medical advice) and I knew right away I shouldn’t have, because the array of issues that never crossed my mind-fibroids, clotting diseases, and genetic problems, are now coursing through my mind at 2 million km an hour.
So will I survive, for sure, I will just have to keep on trying (the best part of pregnancy anyways) and hope for the best. I am not ready to give up. Baby Centre has also told me that 1 in 100 women experience recurrent miscarriages so I know I am not alone in this.
My advice to other going through this is not to get discouraged. It is hard to deal with, but grieve with your loss in the best way you know (for me it’s writing this post), and get back to trying! Do you have any advice for people going through difficult times trying to have a baby?